What Do I Say?

Believe me, I know that words are hard to find at a time like this. What do you say to someone with a terminal illness? What do you say to her family? What words could possibly comfort them?

Sometimes no words are needed, and the best thing you can do is be physically present, sitting in the trenches of grief and heartache with us. Look at the story of Job in the Bible. The best thing his friends did for him was to sit still with him and say nothing. Sit in silence. Breathe together. Pray quiet prayers to the God who’s in it with you too.

Sweet friends, when you do use words, know that my heart for you is full of grace. You might not say “the right thing,” but I want to give you space to try to express your heart.

If I can be fully transparent with you right now, the words that are truly balm to my soul and to my family right now can look like this…

“I am with you.”

“I am praying for God to heal, comfort, and restore.”

“I am thinking of you. You are on my heart.”

“I love you.”

See, less is more. A simple check-in can speak volumes without trying to fill the silence with needless words.

What not to say…

“God is in control!”

“Everything happens for a reason!”

“God has a plan!”

While these phrases are not entirely untrue, they honestly really sting. I have been guilty of saying them to others in grief before, and the conviction I felt after was deep. These phrases feel like you’re slapping a bandaid on my tumor-filled head and sending me on my way out the door. However well-intentioned, they don’t paint the full picture of the reality that is the fullness of who God is AND how broken this situation is. The weight of this present situation is too heavy and complex to drop phrases like this. It hurts.

Know that I’m saying these things to you with a heart that loves you and truly wants you to be here, to be part of my story, and to be fully present with us in this. Just as Jesus has shown me endless grace, I want to show you that grace too. Keep walking with us friends.

Much love,

Em